Noah's latest updates
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The Vatican Gives 'New Moon' Two Thumbs Down
"The Catholic church hates vampires almost as much as they hate wearing condoms." -
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New Moon in NYC
"He looks SO drunk in this photo. I bet he drank champagne out of Taylor Lautner's belly-button right before the red carpet." -
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New Moon in NYC
"Nikki Reed needs to put down the fork and start doing some ab-crunches." -
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Boobs Without Borders
"She looks like she got hit by a bus. A really old, wrinkly, no-longer-sexy bus." -
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Hayden Panettiere: Machine Guns and Champagne
"I'm going to make this video my new ringtone." -
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PHOTO GALLERY: Katy Perry is Sporty in Spandex
"Let those sweater kittens breathe! You're smothering them. Poor boob." -
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Contest: Caption New Moon!
"Asian dude: Bro, I told you being in New Moon was going to get us lots of girls. Varsity jacket dude: (sigh) What I really wanted was to wax Taylor Lautner's chest." -
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Contest: Caption New Moon!
"Edward: Your breath smells like garlic? Bella: Your breath smells like Taylor Lautner." -
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Contest: Caption New Moon!
"Bella: Where are you taking me?! Creepy dude with mustache: Shhh, go to sleep or I will PUT YOU to SLEEP!" -
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Contest: Caption New Moon!
"Bella: Why can't we have sex again? Because you can't control your emotions and you'll be too tempted to suck all my blood? Edward: No, because I'm an alcoholic and can't get it up when I've been drinking." -
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Contest: Caption New Moon!
"Bella: Why is your hair so girly? Jacob: Because that's how my boyfriend likes it. Edward: That's right bitch, you know how I like it." -
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Contest: Caption New Moon!
"Jane: My eyes are burning! Edward: That's because I gave you syphilis!" -
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Contest: Caption New Moon!
"Dude on left: I've got the best abs. Dude in middle: I hope I reach puberty by the end of the movie. Dude on right: ::sigh:: Why are my nipples so small?" -
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Contest: Caption New Moon!
"Edward (thinking to himself): Wow, I really didn't think my fart would smell THAT bad. I hope no one notices." -
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Contest: Caption New Moon!
"Laurent: Once you go Black...." -
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Megan Fox Is a Splittin' Kitten
"My monitor is blushing." -
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PHOTO GALLERY: Leighton Meester Sexes Up GQ
"Excuse me Leighton, but your slut is showing." -
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VIDEO: Kristen Stewart Does The Today Show
"She has worse posture than FDR." -
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VIDEO: Stephenie Meyer Experiences Vampire Burn-Out
"This broad looks like a bloated circus clown." -
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Hip Hottie
"Someone should buy him a haircut."
27, Male
Los Angeles CA, US
Los Angeles CA, US
things about me
CELEBRITIES I WANT TO DATE: Chris Brown
MORE ABOUT ME: I'm awesome. And I don't like Gingers.
